For my sister…

August 31, 2010

Plain & Simple.

Her daughter Emily Rose

Sorry I didn’t show these to you this weekend! I love you! Thank you for being here with me and the kids! WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH XOXO!

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lisette cole says:

August 31, 2010 at 2:03 am

she is GORGEOUS!! i love how you capture beauty. truly is the simple, but just perfectly not plain. this captures such realness, and her personality is shining here. i can ‘see’ her thoughts of ‘i am emily. i am caring and love my family…..’
Julia Pakulis(: says:

September 2, 2010 at 2:51 pm

Aww, I did her makeup(: Pretty pictures mommy!!(:
Valerie says:

October 5, 2010 at 2:15 am

What a beauty! Just like her mother and her Aunt!!! Your photography is just amazing Pati!!! Love it!!!

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A perfect double rainbow… I beLIeVE

August 29, 2010

Words feel inadequate right now…
but for those who have been with me on this journey… I wanted to share with you that our family saw a perfect double rainbow yesterday.

I haven’t seen a rainbow for this entire year…since Peter passed. I have so often wondered when God would bring one to me again. I hoped it would be on August 28th ~ the 1 year anniversary of Peter going to heaven.

My hope was realized!

Yesterday, After our trip to the cemetary, as we drove off to dinner. I kept scanning the skies! On the freeway I could see all the rain and clouds throughout the valley. Then I honestly felt like the Lord said to me, “why don’t you ask me for a rainbow?”

Truth is… I was afraid to ask. I didn’t want to be disappointed. But recently, something amazing happened.. and it thinking about it gave me the faith to go ahead and ask. so I said, Ok.. would you bring me a rainbow today?”

I kept scanning the skies until I got to the restaurant.

No rainbow…

At the restaurant I sat facing the door… not intentionally at all. It’s just where I sat. Just after we ordered, I notice the light outside changed a bit. I noticed that because I always notice light… I train myself to do that as a photographer….

Then I immediately sensed I was to go outiside. I am not joking!

I got up and walked out the front door.

To my amazement… I saw a perfect rainbow right in front of me – perfect with another rainbow around the main one! A perfect double rainbow!

I have never seen this in my life…

All I could do was weep – and then laugh. And so I watched the rainbow until it faded away completely.

And I imagined Peter… sitting at the very top of it… saying, “Hey Hon…check this out!”

From the moment Peter was diagnosed with Cancer… the word I was given was to Believe…

I believed for life for Peter. And God used rainbows for 2 years to continue to encourage me to believe! When Peter went home, I had to realize that through his passing, he was given the greatest life yet… eternal life!

I hadn’t seen rainbows this entire year… but I have always still believed!

Seeing a rainbow on this day.., lets me know that I wasn’t crazy. That believing is what my purpose has been throughout this entire journey. That was my assignment from day one! So I wanted to share with you… that as I LIVE, and as Peter Lives… I beLIeVE.

I believe in miracles and in double perfect rainbows
I believe in life
I believe that God always has a purpose, even if it includes pain
I believe that pain is just that… pain! I does not have to destroy you
I believe that God Loves us beyond what we can ever imagine
I believe in hope and that there are happy endings in life
I believe that God can be trusted… NO MATTER WHAT
I believe in HEAVEN… and all that God says about it
I believe that life is good
I believe that love conquers all
I believe that we always have a choice in life
I believe that we there is a special plan and purpose for our lives
I believe we each have talents and gifts to give to others
I believe that Jesus is real and that he died for us all because of his radical love for us
I believe…. that all he really asks of us…. is to believe!
Believe He is good
Believe He is real
Believe He loves you
Believe He died for you
Believe He has a place for YOU in heaven… someday

My amazing friends and pastors, Steve & Sarah Berger, recently lost their son Josiah in an auto accident. He just finished writing a book called,“Have Heart – Bridging the gap between Heaven and Earth.” If you know anyone who is grieving the passing of a loved one or someone who is curious about Heaven, click the link above or buy them a book, it’ll help them!

Another amazing book on Heaven: Randy Alcorn’s “HEAVEN”

I love you all so much!!

BeLIeVE!

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taken with my iphone… there was a faint 2nd rainbow over the main. It didn’t really show up at all – of all times to forget to bring my camera! I had to patch 2 photos together. Did a very medocre job. Need to learn how to really do that on photoshop

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Beth says:

August 29, 2010 at 10:58 am

WOW ~ A sign from Peter ♥
Shannon Beyer says:

August 29, 2010 at 11:07 am

Pati- I was driving home yesterday from Scottsdale. It started to rain and I asked the Lord to send you a rainbow. I was talking with Wendi on the phone and then there it was…a magnificent double rainbow!! I drove right under it with tears in my eyes saying, “Hi Peter”! Our thoughts and prayers are with you all. We are amazed and encouraged by your incredible strength and faith in the Lord. May the Lord hold you and yours in the palm of His hands and bless you beyond measure. We love you!
Dara says:

August 29, 2010 at 12:05 pm

How wonderful!
Audra Little says:

August 29, 2010 at 4:26 pm

Wow Patti!! That is awesome!! God IS Good!!
Michael Casanova says:

August 30, 2010 at 5:13 am

Wow Pati, that is a miraculous story! God is great, you have no idea! I knew that Peter passed in late August of last year, but didn’t know what date. I have read your blogs in the past and I was touched by all the rainbow and be(LI)e(VE) [that's how I write it] blogs and I thought you were at church when I texted you about the double rainbow. It’s so amazing that I sent you that text as you wrote a blog about it! God was by my side to tell me to send you that text about the double rainbow. You and the kids are in my prayers; I love you all! (: That rainbow was stunningly gorgeous. I am so glad that I was able to send you that text and that you were able to see it before it went away! (: God bless.
Alicia says:

August 30, 2010 at 9:59 am

God is Good, Pati. He knew exactly what your heart needed to receive. I had so many reactions as I read your post–so many things that I wanted to say at the beginning of reading it. But by the end, I have been completely left speechless and in awe. What a truly beautiful testimony of how God blesses His children, even in the midst of their storms. And what a wonderful promise and reminder that Peter’s life continues on.

I know that it sounds really corny, but there is a song that I remember from when I was a little girl from a My Little Pony movie. But the words remind me so much of your story. The characters in the story thought that they would never see a rainbow again–and it was the thing they were looking for to encourage them.

The lyrics say:

There’s always another rainbow.
Search until you find it.
Don’t look at the clouds, look behind them!
There’s a rainbow there somewhere.

There’s always a ray of sunshine.
Though it all seems tragic.
You wait, turn around and like magic,
there’s an answer to your prayer!

Now, you feel forlorn.
But hope can be reborn.
Try and lose that frown–look up!
Not down…

…and you’ll find another rainbow.
I can guarantee it!
Even though you think you’ve reached the rainbow’s end.
There’s ALWAYS another rainbow!
Always another rainbow, round the bend.

Here’s a link from youtube with the song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe1MbMqfXx8
Jill says:

August 30, 2010 at 3:55 pm

I beLIeVE too, Pati! I love these last 2 posts. Your heart comes through loud & clear! And I LOVE the thought of Peter & Jesus collaborating on that double rainbow! I love you, my friend.
Leah Broomfield says:

August 30, 2010 at 4:16 pm

Thank you so much for sharing your life lessons. I learned a lot today! Big hug. Leah
lisette cole says:

August 31, 2010 at 1:59 am

this is SO beautiful, pati!!!! oh oh.. i’m just crying hear in my dark kitchen. reading as if i were right there.. what a glorious sight for you. that you asked. i love that. sometimes, i hear papa say that. ‘why don’t you ask?’.. he knows why. he wants me to realize..
and for your friends.. that is such a sad loss. thank you for the link. i may repost this on my fb. i have friends that are going through.. and some that are needing to hear your thoughts. beLIeVe.
blessings our yours with 10,000 behind!! great is his faithfulness….
much love, lisi
Ina Sams says:

August 31, 2010 at 2:24 am

Awe Our God is an awesome God! This story made me cry and my heart rejoice! Thank you Pati for sharing. Hugs
Cindy says:

August 31, 2010 at 10:10 am

So happy for you! Our God is soooo awesome. Thanks for the book suggestion. I just went to their website and with tears steaming listened to Pastor Steve’s message. So wonderful! I also ordered the book to pass along to others who need this hard but encouraging word. Thanks!
Sister says:

August 31, 2010 at 1:34 pm

Sister, I am so glad I was there with you to share that perfect and special moment with you and the kids! He sent it to you with a big kiss and a smile!

I love you sister!
Chet says:

October 14, 2010 at 2:32 pm

HERE IS A BEAUTIFUL DOUBLE RAINBOW filmed in HAWAII

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUpALZ5gbvk
Rise says:

December 23, 2010 at 2:36 pm

I too have a unique relationship with God. Before a storm that later came, I told my teenage son that I was waiting for a rainbow from God. Yesterday Dec.22,2010 we had soooo much rain here in Beverly Hills,ca.that there was a plumbing problem. When the plumber arrived he said to me come outside and look at this double rainbow. My son’s mouth dropped. He said “mom you really do communicate with God.”

I am truly blessed to be able to have the relationship and to now share my experience with the all mighty God to others.

God Bless

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August 28th, 2010

August 28, 2010

One year ago today, at 9 am, my husband Dr. Peter Vincent Pakulis took his final earthly breath…
At the time, I was the only one in the room with him. Everything was quiet, I was holding his hand and Peter was breathing so peacefully. I looked up, and saw his final breath. The moment I knew he had passed from this life to the next, honestly… my first thought was, “Ohhh…. he’s there…”

I know… as a spouse, maybe that’s an odd or crazy way of responding to the loss of my husband and my best friend. But, I absolutely knew that Peter had just begun his eternal life. That he was in heaven that very moment. That the pain and suffering was over… and that in the midst of that moment of loss, I had the honor of holding his hand as he walked from this life to the next. A life that was promised to him because he had on small and beautiful gift:

Faith.

I do believe that Peter had been prepared. On his birthday that June, he received a call from his oncologist saying that they discovered that the cancer had metastasized, Peter chose not to tell us about the phone call that day. He knew it was his birthday and wanted us to go ahead with our birthday celebration for him… so he kept the news to himself.

That night, gathered around cake and ice cream, we gave him our gifts. My present for Peter was a book! I had been SO prompted to buy him this book. And actually it was sort of a crazy choice, given that Peter had just gotten through 2 very extreme types of cancer and was basically told that everything looked good and that he was alright!
But the gift I gave him was book titled, “HEAVEN” by Randy Alcorn.
Peter later told me that when he opened that gift.. he thought to himself, “how appropriate.” Little did I know.

For the next 2 1/2 final months of his life… he read this book non-stop. He talked about it all the time to me… theme and to our children. He was completely fascinated with it. Deep down he knew that if he did not get through this 3rd round of cancer, he knew exactly where he was going. That he would be going home.. to this amazing place called HEAVEN! He learned so much more than he’d ever been taught about this amazing hope and future he had simply for having faith in the One who had ALWAYS been him… Jesus!

Today marks the one year anniversary of my husband passing from this life to the next. And the truth of the matter is that I have not once ever said or have been able to say this entire year that my husband died…
True death really does not exist… we do pass from this life to the next. Of course I know that his physical body died on August 28, 2010 at 9 o’clock in the morning…. but I am here to say, that Peter, truly, is far from dead!

There is so much stirring in my heart. So many emotions all at the same time. And so much occurring right now. We’ve just moved into a new home… and I’ve had the crazy that comes with that. But today, I might actually have several posts. Some things on my heart that seem ready to come out.

I’ll start by letting you know that we are doing alright. My children and I, though we feel the significance of this day deeply…. we continue to live our lives with much hope. Though we literally begin a NEW chapter in our lives, as we have just moved out from last home and into a new home. And as I removed final items that so precious to me, we live with the comfort of knowing where Peter is.. and that in the FINAL chapter of all of our lives, he will be there… waiting with open arms !

Everything in between…

…is just life.

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lisette cole says:

August 28, 2010 at 3:55 pm

thank you for sharing this.. so so beautiful.. i can not imagine how you feel today. like you stated.. so many emotions… i look forward to seeing and hearing about your NEW.. the new never leaves the past.. it just moves forward w/the beauty it has been through and made w/loved ones….
much sweet love for you this day and beyond!! hugs, lisi
Georgia Garrett says:

August 28, 2010 at 4:22 pm

Pati, that is so sweet and moving. Much love to you and your kids today!
LouAnn Alexander says:

August 28, 2010 at 4:38 pm

What an amazing, beautiful soul you are Pati! Your writing never ceases to amaze me~bless you and your beautiful children. With admiration and respect…..LouAnn
Angie Barker says:

August 28, 2010 at 6:18 pm

Please write a book Pati of this beautiful journey you are on. Your heart needs to be shared with everyone. So many people need to here these words. People who beleive for more faith and people who know nothing of Jesus.
Love,
Angie
Dara Scully says:

August 28, 2010 at 9:08 pm

Again Pati-You always move me to tears. You are SO brave and admirable. xo Dara
Kym says:

August 29, 2010 at 11:00 am

Pati, you are incredible!! I love and adore you! Thinking of you and your family, always.
Cindy says:

September 1, 2010 at 9:30 am

Hi Pati, you and the kids have been on my mind this past week. I can’t believe a year has gone by. Congratulations on your new home. It is beautiful!!
Lydia Ingegneri says:

September 5, 2010 at 1:14 am

Pati. Your words, honesty, heart and courage are remarkable! Thank you. You provide a window into your soul and I don’t take that lightly. Love you!