April 19, 2011
I’m truly grateful for my life. For my children. For my business. And trying to balance it all certainly has been a chore lately. I have been rock solid busy with photography, soccer and just Mom stuff for the past 6 weeks that I wasn’t sure if there would ever be a moment to just pause.
But I need to pause…
Like a ride at a carnival it’s been a whirlwind and I need to get off the ride. Catch my breath and stop spinning.
I just don’t do this nearly enough. I’ve long since forgotten that I have a nice little place on my back patio perfect for drinking a morning cup of coffee. There’s even room for Marley to sit right next to me.
Why am I such a Martha?
Not Martha Stewart… but Martha from the bible. Mary’s sister Martha. The one who was so “busy” doing “important” things that she wouldn’t sit at the foot as Jesus when she had the opportunity. Jesus…the Miracle Worker, the light of the world, the Savior. There he was wanting to hang out and she was too busy for Him.
How did she miss that? Well, I know how. I do it everyday. I do and do and do. And then I do some more! It’s a disease really. And I’m looking for the cure to a heart that just can’t seem to sit still.
Now, in all honesty, I know my life circumstance is a little crazy. Single mom… widow, which means I am not divorced and I don’t have Peter picking up the kids every other week or however that is usually played out. Three active kids with band, soccer, volleyball, guitar lessons and school. And a career as a photographer that is going pretty well – (thank you God) sigh…. so I’m sorta stuck in busy – to a certain degree.
BUT I still get to be the boss – and that mean’s the boss needs to make some better choices and create some more balance in her life – or the boss is gonna go bonkers!
So I’ve done just that. I’m booked through mid-May — BUT with some BALANCE. Not doing 4 shoots a week is good right now. It’s necessary!
And this week especially – I really need to pause. I need to feel my heart again. I certainly felt it this past weekend. Wow! My friend Denise participated in “Relay for Life.” She posted a candle in honor of my husband Peter’s life on Facebook. Boy – did that throw me for a loop. It’s was such a sweet way to honor Peter, but seeing that image shot me right back to it all. To the reality that he is no longer with us. I know where he is and that is ALWAYS a comfort.. but it hit so hard again.
Little did she know that this Wednesday, April 20, Peter & I would have been celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary. That’s a big one. BIG pause…