The Door…

August 28, 2012

Shortly after Peter’s funeral, I asked God for one thing… my prayer was this, “Lord, PLEASE let me see his face just one more time.”
Then a day or 2 later, I had a dream. It was so real, so vivid.

Peter was standing behind a huge, old and weathered wooden door. He opened it just enough, so that just his face was showing.
I was several feet away when I turned around and saw him. I said to him, “Oh my gosh, I can see your face.”
I walked up to the door and reached out my hands to touch his face, but my hands moved right through him. I could only see his face, but I could not touch him.
I wanted to come through the door, but Peter said no, that I was not allowed inside, that I could not pass through that door.

Then I woke up.

I would be lying if I said it still doesn’t hurt. 3 years later, and it still hurts. I think it always will.
But that dream was a gift. It was one of the clearest pictures of something I deeply believe and hold on to everyday.

You see – I have never been able to say to anyone that my husband is “dead.”
Have an intervention and tell me I’m in denial, but the truth is, that I have never been able to describe him to anyone as “dead.” I know that his physical body no longer functions here – but I absolutely believe that my husband is not dead, but instead, that he is completely alive and well.

He is on the other side of the door.

The door that is so close that I can feel it. It’s the door to eternity. It’s in front of each of us… and it’s a door that we will all eventually walk through.
To me, as difficult as it is sometimes, what I know is that Peter really lives in Heaven, while we still live on earth. That he’s right there, just on the other side of that door….

A door that I was NOT allowed to walk through, and for good reason.

My job is to raise my kids as best as I can by the grace of God…and believe me, that is how it is happening. God somehow gives me grace in all of this.
Peter trusted me with them…. and I know this. That is why I am so passionate that they continue to grow and love and laugh and know that Life is still good. That God is good. That in tragedy there is ALWAYS a purpose. And that a life of faith does not always mean a life of ease. It can often mean a life of challenge and difficulty. But it also means a life that has been well spent. A life that can make a difference in the lives of others.

My heart is that I want my kids to know and love and trust the God that their Father lives with! That they have a genuine faith in Him. Not in a religion or a system or even the church I attend. But a faith that says, Ok God, I believe, and I’m in for the long haul!

This is my deepest prayer…

Most times when I think of Peter, I always know that he is just on the other side of THE DOOR…
Waiting. AND, in all honesty, enjoying eternity – believe me. I know this about Peter!

What I do find interesting is that my own faith was born when I heard this verse in the Bible:
“Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me.” Revelation 3:20

This is the moment I believed.

Guess you could say that Jesus knocked on MY door a long time ago – and I said yes.

The Door is there…. I’ve seen it, even if only in a dream…

So for August 28th, I want to just take a moment to Honor my husband and the father of my children on the 3 year anniversary that he passed from life to eternal life.
Peter, there is still not a day that I do not think about you. I hope to make you proud! You continue to live in our hearts and you are greatly loved and cherished. AND not ever forgotten.